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Don't say it if you don't mean it

Advice given to me years ago by a wise pediatrician saved me a lot of back pedaling.  "Don't threaten to do something if you don't really mean it."  I remembered his words often in the course of raising children and teaching school. 

Sometimes when truly frustrated, it's human nature to put some consequences in place that aren't really doable.  For example, telling an entire class that they will all miss lunch if someone doesn't immediately come forward and confess to some unacceptable behavior only puts the teacher in the hot seat if the guilty student remains quiet.  A teacher at our school warned her class that they would all stay in their seats when the final bell rang if their behavior did not improve.  She stood by her decision and caused all of them to miss the bus.  Needless to say, the principal and a lot of parents were not happy.

It's easy to get frustrated and say the first thing that comes to mind.  The moment the words come out of my mouth, I scramble for a way to shove them back in and go with another plan.  However, kids are like elephants and never forget the things we wish we had not said.   When adults are indecisive or come up with outlandish threats, kids sometimes enjoy pushing the envelope.  I have heard students say that they love it when a teacher gets mad and seems to go out of control.  It's not always easy to stay calm and set reasonable consequences, but it's definitely worth it and makes life a whole lot easier.

New climbing tubes

Posted: Tuesday, July 01, 2008 11:27 AM by Betty

Comments

lfox368806 said:

I've been lucky - my students generally cut me slack when my mouth gets me in trouble.  A sincere apology goes a long way - kids are dumbfounded when you say "I shouldn't have said that - I let my irritation get the better of me".

# July 1, 2008 12:20 PM

Lesley said:

I had a really hard time with classroom management in this, my first year. I had a lot of students who liked to "push the envelope." They would definitely escalate misbehaviors when they saw me responding emotionally. It took many months for me to become less reactive.

# July 1, 2008 6:33 PM

Melissa B. said:

It's so true--you have to be willing to follow up with consequences if you make a threat! Love the cartoon, BTW. For a look at the lighter side of summer, please tune in Sunday for another edition of the Silly Sweepstakes! :)

# July 2, 2008 11:04 AM

frank said:

Amen to that. :oP :o) Although open-ended threats can also be hazardous, such as "you don't want to find out what happens if..." Incremental follow-uppable consequences you actually follow up on show students... well.. that you do follow up. Big threats and no followup tells kids your bark is worse than your bite. :o) Bizarro rocks.

# July 5, 2008 1:50 AM

Maria said:

Your cartoon is so funny! Students definitely like to see how far the teacher will go and immediately catch on if they realize the teacher is "all talk".  Sometimes, consequences actually make life harder on the teacher - such as making students miss recess or keeping them from resource.  I have learned to take a deep breath before I speak when my students are pushing my limits. Then the classroom environment stays calm for all of us!

# July 8, 2008 3:24 PM
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